The behavioral health of firefighters seems to be a topic at the forefront of every informational medium available to members of fire service; whether it be one of a myriad of social media platforms or an infomercial touting the latest in mental health therapy in an exotic location, each of us is inundated with opportunities for help and healing. While many of these may be helpful, most appear to be modern day snake oil salesmen, offering an all-encompassing elixir that will do little to help, let alone heal.
My name is Chris, I am a lieutenant in the Clifton, New Jersey Fire Department, I am a paramedic, I am a veteran of the United States Navy, and I have depression and post-traumatic stress. I do not refer to it as a disorder, and I certainly no longer suffer from it. It is as much a part of me as my family, my career, and my penchant for helping others to recognize the burden we all carry as a side effect of our chosen vocation.
Sentinel events can be described as those which have a lasting effect on our emotional, psychological, and behavioral health. As firefighters, fire instructors, paramedics, and EMT’s, we experience these events during our routine and our not so routine responses. The stressors experienced during our tour have a cumulative effect on our behavioral wellbeing whether we realize it or not, often culminating in innumerable self-destructive behaviors.
My own self-destructive behaviors (in no particular order) have included numerous affairs, a divorce, (almost a second), having been disciplined at work, depression, and suicidal ideations. All of this in full view of family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and neighbors; none of whom took the time to ask me if I was okay or to offer help.
Following yet another sentinel event I found myself literally on the edge of suicide, staring at an emptiness beneath me that I simultaneously wanted to embrace and ignore. Ignoring the pain did nothing to make it go away; it simply made it worse.
I have taken several courses over my career geared towards assisting first responders in understanding the signs of depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideations in our fellow first responders. These courses, while meaning well, in my opinion, fall tragically short of the mark. The notion of first responder behavioral health needs to be introspective, not focused on the member sitting across the kitchen table. It needs to be focused on the member in the mirror.
Research has shown group discussions, in the form of crisis intervention, does little to help members and does nothing to prevent first responder suicide; the third leading cause of death for firefighters. Several recent high profile first responder suicides emphasizes this point.
I am alive today because I decided I needed to get help. My work habits changed, I stopped doing my routine at work, I was visibly depressed and emotionally lost, yet no one asked me if I was alright. No one. It’s time to elevate the conversation!
I have a plan and I have a note, but I also have a therapist and a loving wife who understands how my past experiences, both personally and professionally, have adversely affected me and she continues to be my crutch. I know as I type this that I am not alone and I want each person reading this to understand that asking for help is a sign of leadership, not weakness.
There are several programs available to first responders, the Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance and Safe Call Now are two that I have personal experience with that have significantly helped me to slowly, yet deliberately, step back from that edge.
It’s not easy to open myself up like this but I find it to be not only necessary but cathartic. Please seek the help you need, as I did. I am humbled to share this with you, my fellow fire instructors, in the hope that you will seek help also!
As fire service instructors, it behooves us to be cognizant of not only our students’ behavioral health, but even more importantly, our own. We are doing ourselves, our families, and our students a disservice by thinking we are immune to the behavioral health challenges our jobs expose us to. By taking care our ourselves we will be in a better position to train, instruct, and take care of our students.
I am including my personal contact information should anyone reading this wish to speak to me and share their story. Let’s elevate the conversation together!
Christopher M. Divver, MPA, NRP, FO
Lieutenant
Clifton Fire Department
Clifton, NJ
Christopher.divver@verizon.net
732-703-5334